Reflection 13th of June
Today, we have started the first project: self-portrait. After we got a briefing, I started to think about how I'm feeling myself today, how I present myself? What I would probably show in my picture? But all of my thoughts were confused, I didn't know why I could not think logically and clearly. Thus I decided to write some keywords in my sketchbook that could help me to identify the way of work I should go. I understood that my main emotions were- tiredness, although I was happy and I got worried about everything that is going in my life.
I would say, that the visualisation of thoughts in my mind into sketches and words helped me a lot, when you are stark, it is always better to draw your thoughts and then translate to sentences. I created an initial concept of my self-portrait and was ready to go and shoot. One of the challenges I have met - was an explanation of how you want the picture be taken to another person. And I think it was also difficult to understand what other people want me to do with their pictures, maybe not so difficult but it's some kind of your responsibility to take a good photos of someone's conceptual idea.
For me, I felt like I don't know what I'm doing. I couldn't concentrate and it was very hard to generate ideas, I was like a broken TV that works very slowly and needs to be shout down every five minutes. I think I felt very uncomfortable because my ideas couldn't be created in the environment, where I was. However, at one moment I understood that I have to forget about everything and just do work, and it gave me an opportunity to experiment with new locations, new possible pictures. And in real, I got some good samples but they still were not as satisfied as I could do.
After we sent our works for a small critic, I got a feedback, saying that there is a good composition but no emotions. Probably it is true but for me this picture was the perfect reflection of my mood, the problem was that I didn't know what my mood is about.
As an conclusion of the first day, I realised that it was complicated to begin the process and through the work I started to do it better and better. I was enjoying experimentations with new locations, even if some of some doesn't work at all. For me it was a good practice that pushed me to wake up from the anti-emotional state.
The main idea of my self portrait was to illustrate my psychological or emotional state. In another words, I wanted to show my current mood, how I begin my project. My work includes two pictures: the first one depicts me, hiding beyond the mannequin in my arms, with two roses in my hand, which caused shadows on my body part. The second picture depicts me, sitting on knees, bended my body in a way, that my back creates a round shape. One of my hands is on the back, while another is working with the old sewing machine. And we can also see the part of the mannequin on the background.
I used calm lighting and colours. My background is made in burgundy colour, that represents my passion about what I’m doing, why? Since that it is my favourite colour, I fell my self very comfortable in this atmosphere. Mannequin and old sewing machine represents my work as a fashion student, which is very important for me.
First picture: two roses, in my country, people always bring them when someone died, it is a symbol of horror, of lose. The old singer is very heavy, moreover it stitching badly, in comparison with the new ones, so, in this picture it shows the hardness of work, for me, which I need to do. The mannequin in my arms showing that I don’t work, I am just hiding behind it. So, the meaning of the first picture is that I have to do my work, which I am passionated about, although it is illogical hard for me to do, thus I am hiding beyond the mannequin to understand whats going on in my mind, I’m holding two roses, as I said before, as a symbol that my inspiration, work or whatever is dying and the singer on the bottom illustrates the heaviness of task that I have to do, and it’s illogical because I can use a modern machine that would mean that the task is not hard but because I can’t solve the problem with my own mind and emotions it is ridiculous difficulty for me.
The second picture, the mannequin is on the background that means I stopped hiding. I am sitting in a quite uncomfortable pose, my hand is on my back, it looks like there is a pain and I hold it. Another hand working with the sewing machine that means I started to work, although it is still hard for me, near the sewing machine, illustrating the hardness, there is only one rose, so it is not a lose anymore. The meaning of this picture is that I solved some problems with myself but there is a lot to do because I am still using the singer machine, it is still difficult for me, however I start my work, and it seems to be satisfied in a future, since that there is only one rose, so, I found my inspiration, I am in a work, and fighting with some thoughts, disturbing my creative process.
For my shame, no one, in a critic, understand even the concept of my work, mainly, people called it “too theatrical” and “opera”. Of course, I can say that projector makes my pictures much more darker that it has to be, so it was impossible to see anything excepct for my light back and white roses. But it is not the main reason. I think that my work may be too private. I made an environment where I put everything that makes a big, personal sense only for me, from roses that my parents gave to me when they were in London, to story of the old singer, and colours that I love. Since that it is a SELF PORTRAIT, I thought to present myself as I’m feeling it. I do think that if people did not understand the meaning, which you put in your work, you did it wrong. Thus this experience will help me to avoid to symbolical meanings in my future works.
Reflection 15th of June
I have titled my work, as "burgundy sensations". I don't think that it will help to understand my concept but I think that this title is relevant to the artwork because there is burgundy colours and it conveys my emotions.
Also, I have to generate an idea to allocate my work somewhere. The same as usual, I just started to walk around the university and searching for different locations and props, where I could put my work. The first thing that I have found was a shovel, so I began to work with it and think about how I could fix my picture. I tried different sizes printing, I also used diff sides of the shovel. In addition, I decided to take pictures of a person engaging with the shovel that depicts my portrait.
Then I have put my work on the tv screen, in the small student cabin locker, on the top of the rubbish bin. I can't say that I really like those experiments but this work with surfaces helped me to create the next installation. I have allocated my pictures in the water surface, in a fountain. I think that it works well both: in terms of the composition and concept conveying, because water showing us, as something is going away, some kind of feelings of calmness and freedom, so it is quite contrasting to the content of my work.
At the next stage we had to deconstruct our picture. I did some experiments with cutting and collage pictures together but it was very boring and I got a good idea in my mind. I bought a big glass bootle, then I put my image in the bottle, around the inside surfaces, then I filled it with water and added some water ink colours. As an result I got beautifully volume image in the bottle, it was always a bit deconstruct by the water and sometimes it was moving around. I really like how it works, I think that it is the best possible presentation of my pictures. However, I didn't have time to create a specific location for me bootle, although I think that the amazing fact about this work is that I can put it anywhere but I like it to see in hands of someone, including me. Probably, I need to take picture of me with this bottle.
Reflection 16th of June
I think that my opinion about drawing has been changed by Rebecca Horn some time ago. She opened for me drawing as something more performative, I found out that the drawing is not only about something on a paper but it is also about how you transfer this information into drawings and that sometimes it is more about the process than the final result.
I have done this kind of tasks before, although for me it was something new to draw what your partner is saying to you. It develops your communication skills because you have to explain it too, moreover, you have to understand where to begin, which way to go to draw the whole composition. I think it was something like a creation of the maze.
In conclusion, the drawing that you get after this exercise are full of freedom and look fabulous. Also I think that exercise with left hand was very cool, and I think that I will use it a lot. Because your drawings are not so controlled, and it is also developing our brain.
19th of June
Monday: research around the university, trying to create a theme of my project,
Tuesday: start putting my research into the sketchbook, refinement of pictures
Wednesday: finish my research, make 2d and 3d responses to pictures, reference some artists, start place 3d responses on a mannequin, start to translate 2d responses into the garments elements. continue to develop research through drawings and new ideas
Thursday:experiments on the mannequin, fabrics or other materials sampling, design development, continue to put context through out.
friday: development of the final line up, start to produce some elements if the final garment/outfit
weekends: create garment, finish sketchbook work, checking of the all stages and pages, final sketches reflections.
I think to research th